Gayman's Nook, Gayman's Cranny

Parody; unpublished; n.d.
by Terry Southern


By Grand Staffer Terry Southern is proud to present a distinguished Series of Interviews by Terry Southern with the Grand Gay of our time.



(The following is a transcript of a conversation which took place recently at Mr Trump's penthouse office atop the Trump Plaza Hotel)

GSM: Unless I'm very much mistaken, you have rather low-profiled
your gayness until now, isn't that so?

DT: Oh absolutely! Good heavens yes! I could not care less
about it! It's just so silly, all the fuss about it! And at this
late date! Good grief!

GSM: Yes, well, just what caused your change of mind in that

DT (with a toss of head, half-closed eyes): Oh well, that's always one's prerogative, isn't it? Or am I beginning to sound too much
like Doris Day?! Good grief, I hope not! I dunno, maybe it was peer
pressure--I hate that expression!--but maybe that was it.
Anyhoo, Leona -- my very dearest friend, Leona Helmsley -- kept
after me about it. "Fess up, Donnie!" she would say, "fess up. fess up!" And finally I said "What the heck!" So here I am! (beams) Ready or not!

GSM: Have you been able to use gayness to advantage in your financial affairs?

DT: Oh godness no, I would never ever think of mixing my financial
'affairs' no pun intended! --with my personal mode. In fact when
I switch into what I like to call my 'prancing-gay mode,' I
couldn't add two plus two!

GSM: You really get into it, do you?

DT (quite excited.). And how! Boy-oh-boy! Bro-ther!

GSM: What is your response to having been dubbed "an Albrechian
yahoo" by the general media?

DT: Oh no! Who said that? Was it Gore? Gore Vidal? Only Gore could say something so silly! Let me tell you exactly what happened! He came into the Palm Court and was as cross as two sticks because I was sitting at what he considered his table! Can you buh-leeve it?!? My Palm Court, my hotel. and his table. Quite the qrand-seigneur, isn't he? But I simply love his work! Anyhoo, I sent a case of D.P. up to his suite, so perhaps he isn't so cross with me now! And I most certainly am not what he said. 'Prancing gay', yes, but not that other thing. Good grief!

(c) The Terry Southern Estate; all rights reserved.

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